I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
