not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You ruined the universe
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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