I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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