I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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