He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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