I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
