I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
