i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
