All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
