dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We had to coat check the pizza.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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