It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
