To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
