She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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