Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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