they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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