what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
