In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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