you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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