Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
