You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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