Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
