just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
