two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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