you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
