Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
