Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
