So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
