we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
