He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
