So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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