So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
