last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
