Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
