So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
