I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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