Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
