pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
