it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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