He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have feelings that need drinking.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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