So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
