**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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