come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
