i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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