what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
