it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
