Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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