I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
