And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
