Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
