I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
