Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
