After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
